Now I know what was going on with Alice it’s all become clear. The signs she was involved in CSE were all there but I suppose I didn’t know enough about it to link it… More
Mum called me today. I really wanted her just to look after me and make it better but how can I even start to explain whats happened. What will she think of me what would dad say?
I always know when Im going to ‘pay’ as M puts it. We don’t go out, buys me something new to wear or make up and perfume. I cant do this any more. I really need to get help but M says if I tell someone he’ll make sure I’m shut up forever and nobody would believe a stupid schoolgirl anyway. I’ve actually been going back to school so I don’t have to be at the flat but picks me up from school in his car and hangs around me all weekend. I just don’t know how to talk to someone about whats really going on…
How do I get out of this???
Mum and Dad are getting worried again. Alice is always out and I’ve heard that she’s posed for some photos. I can’t stand my mates talking about her like this and don’t understand why she would do it? Must be a reason why…
So we had the case conference last week and we agreed that we need to take some steps to find out more about what is going on in Alice’s life but how does anyone get her to open up. I can’t remember who I would have turned to as a teenager.
It looks like things are getting worse for Alice, she’s got so thin and looks really ill. She is definitely distracted at school, all her teachers say she just seems to be ‘somewhere else’ when she’s actually in class. She seems to be on her own a lot of the time. I think she’s worried about something. Something has happened for her to fall out with her friends. They used to be so close.
More worryingly I overheard some of the kids talking about some nude photos of Alice circulating and that she’s been sleeping around? I don’t know how true this is.
M really scared me today – he’s never been like this with me. He says I need to start paying back my debts – was confused –what debts? ?
When I tried to question him he got mad like really mad, called me a stupid f**king b***h who needs to start paying her way. This evening I found out what he meant.
He brought this guy round to the flat, he came into my room. Oh god it was horrible, I can’t even write what happened… the smell of him…I can still smell it. I feel dirty, used and really scared.
I was a mess afterwards. M just said get used to it. I tried to leave but he hit me. He’s never done that. What am I gonna do…trapped.
Been at our place a lot the past couple of weeks. Not really at school much, why do I need school when I have M and our flat. M looks after me and gets me whatever I need.
We’ve got loads of mates M knows who come over, we listen to some tunes, smoke some weed and just hang out. So chilled, don’t know why I kept stressing about my GCSEs.
Some of the lads have been doing some coke too – they asked me to give it a try. Might do, M will look out for me. What’s the worst that can happen right??
M has a flat! Well actually he said WE have a flat, just for us so we can be on our own together, no-one else.
Just when I thought everything was s**t and he dumped me it’s all good again, more than good…amazing!
That was the surprise when we met in town. He was sorry he hadn’t seen me but had this surprise for me, then he took me there. At first I thought it was a bit scabby – not much furniture and a bit small but actually it’s ours and it has a bed. M joked that’s all we need! Least I know I didn’t do anything wrong the first time I guess.
Well we spent a lot of time in that bed this afternoon. He took more photos which I said I wasn’t sure about but he said he wanted them so I was always with him and he could remember me whenever he wanted.
I feel a bit funny when I think of those photos. M said all his mates do it and trust him…I guess I will.