Just had a meeting with my social worker Sarah. Shes reaallly helping to sort my mess of a life out
I feel free again and it’s all down to my little bro, who stepped up and spoke out cos he was worried about me. I was in a really bad place when I called him. I’d done a bunk to London, thought I could get away from it all there but actually ran out of money and had nowhere to go – what a stupid idea. I called little bro cos I just didn’t know who else I could turn to, who wouldn’t judge me and rant on the phone. He came to meet me and said he had to tell the folks – was pretty p***ed when I knew he’d done that but then the police turned up
It took a while for me to talk about what happened cos I just felt really stupid for being a total d*ck and falling for M and then ashamed and sick about what situation I’d got myself into
Anyway things are looking up – I’m retaking some of my gcses so I can start an art course at college next year and the friends that mean something have stuck by me. They feel guilty for not realising what was happening but I wouldn’t have known back then either
I really hope no-one else gets into the situation I did, its really hard to see a way out. As much as I still have a sick feeling about what happened it’s in the past and the police put me in touch with people who are helping me work it out – its gonna be ok.
I did get my cr*p together in the end. Hard to believe what happened to me, easier to think that it didnt than admit what I went through. Life is better now, theres some good people out there.
My advice to any boys going through this out there is: shout. Don’t put up with it.
Ill be honest, its harder for us. Girls talk about stuff all the time but we don’t. And sometimes the people trying to help us get it really wrong. They thought I was in a gang ffs but i guess I put a front on it all the time too so it made it hard for people to see.
But if you get a chance to get help, take it. Even if you don’t get a chance find somebody you can talk to. Whatever they may tell you, you wont be judged you wont be told your scum. You can get your life back. Just coz you think no one cares doesnt mean that’s true. Theres loads of people out there – just wish id known that before.
I went home this weekend and somehow ended up spending some time with Alice. It was like being with the old Alice, my lil sis, before all of the crap happened. We listened to some metalcore together and I told her about getting a band together at uni. She said she’d come and see me sometime, although then she seemed to go a bit quiet. She does that a lot now. Then I made a dumbass comment about drum and bass. As soon as I said it I wanted to give myself a good kicking, she looked so sad. Spending time with her made me see she’s not thick at all, I wish I could have seen that sooner.
I had a really good talk with Dad, he said he was sorry that he and Mum hadn’t had much time for me recently. We’re going to sort out a lads night out, have a curry and beer, kinda sad to have a lads night with your Dad but if he’s paying…
I think only now I realise how bad things must have got for Alice. It’s not her fault that this happened.
So every time I go home from uni, Alice is there looking miserable. I go into a room and she’s there with Mum. She looks like she’s been crying and they both shut up when I’m there. I know she’s had a really sh*t time but it really feels like I’m invisible at the moment. All Mum and Dad care about is Alice this and Alice that. And I know it’s horrible but I sorta feel like this is all her fault anyway. This wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t lied and decided to go along with everything that pervert told her. I mean is she stupid or what?
There’s no one for me to talk to. My mates would probably tell me she had it coming. Or tell me to go and beat up this guy. I would but Dad gets really lairy when I ask him what we’re going to do about it.
Just sometimes I want to talk about stuff that’s going on with me but why bother? Mum and Dad haven’t got time for me on top of Alice’s problems.
So the fact is I didn’t deal with it well when I first found out what has been happening to Alice. The children saw me cry and they never see me cry – I’m their Dad, right? I’m supposed to be strong. Then I just wanted to kill him, kill that scummy little weasel who thought he could hurt my little girl.
My wife had to sit me down and give me a really good talking to. We fell out about it a lot actually, thought it was the end of our marriage. But she got through to me in the end, like she always does. Alice needed me to be strong, not as in pounding his head in, but by showing her that I’m one of the good guys. So I came down off my high horse.
My advice to other Dads would be:
- Let your child know that you love them and are not ashamed of them. They may not give much back to begin with but keep at it – never give up
- Don’t go off at the deep end – it helps nobody. Find a way to let your anger out so that it doesn’t damage your whole family
- Don’t neglect your whole family. Alice bore the brunt of the whole sorry experience but it was hard on us all. Remember that next time you have a row with your wife
- Don’t forget to make time for other siblings. Make sure you are honest about what is happening and give them some time to talk about how it affects them. They won’t always have a rational response to what is happening but they need you to understand it from their perspective too
- Let the people around you know. It’s not easy for us guys to open up at the best of times, but the people around you can’t begin to help or understand if you don’t give them a heads up. Talk to work, relatives and maybe even your mates about what has happened so they can support you.
And maybe the biggest thing I would take from this is to take help. I had a fairly traditional view on it all and wanted to keep it all under covers. You only go to social services if you’ve failed as a parent, right? It turns out I was wrong – there’s loads of organisations out there that can help.
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