One voice (Adam’s diary)

I did get my cr*p together in the end. Hard to believe what happened to me, easier to think that it didnt than admit what I went through. Life is better now, theres some good people out there.

My advice to any boys going through this out there is: shout. Don’t put up with it. 

Ill be honest, its harder for us. Girls talk about stuff all the time but we don’t. And sometimes the people trying to help us get it really wrong. They thought I was in a gang ffs but i guess I put a front on it all the time too so it made it hard for people to see.

But if you get a chance to get help, take it. Even if you don’t get a chance find somebody you can talk to. Whatever they may tell you, you wont be judged you wont be told your scum. You can get your life back. Just coz you think no one cares doesnt mean that’s true. Theres loads of people out there – just wish id known that before.

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Wrong (Adam’s diary)

Went to meet up with my couga last night, things got really weird. She wanted to meet at the train station, when I got there there was some guy, said he was her brother. Said she was working a bit later and sent him to pick me up and take me to her house. Dont normally just get in anyones car but they seemed cool, said they had some drugs and stuff and we could hang until she got home. Got a text from my girl and she backed it all up.

We got back there and they had some serious drugs. Wasnt too sure if im honest but didn’t want to not join in. Had already had some booze too so I probably wasn’t too sharp. Lost the rest of that evening, woke up and found I had nothing on below. That sh*t better not have happened. Whatever floats your boat but I aint into that.

Update

Just got a text. Theres some photos and i wanna sick all my insides out. If these get out, I will definitely be moving to a new school again. Wtf do I do??????

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Darkness (Adam’s diary)

Met up with my couga tonight. She’d bought me these top trainers that I wanted –mustve talked about them when we first met. Gave me some drugs too. They were some sh*t hot drugs – messed with my head. She has a sweet body and we soon got it on. Things got weird cant remember how it happened, one minute we were at it, the next she punched me. Think she burnt me with her cigarette as well. Got lots of marks around my body. This morning I have purple marks around my neck – did she try to strangle me?? Or maybe i did it – they were some heavy drugs. I think somebody else was there. I cant really remember when I try to remember my brain just seems dark. Need to handle my sh*t better next time, don’t wanna lose my way in to get drugs and stuff.

S, my foster carer, went nuts when I got home. Think she thinks Im in some kind of gang. Let her think it.

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New ‘friends’ (Adam’s diary)

Hooked up with Alices friends. That M is a nob but the rest seem alright. I got what I need. There was this girl there.. seemed pretty up for it with me. Well who wouldn’t?? I was feeling sound after scoring some blow and she was ‘accidentally’ bumping into me and touching me. Shes older than me but Im cool with that. Shes sound. I got her number and we’re going to hook up soon. Be good to have someone around.

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New boy (Adam’s diary)

I just started at this new school right. All schools are the same to me just somewhere else for me to get hassle from. Everyone talks about a new start but that’s just a load of cr*p. Every time I start a new school no one wants to know. Theres no welcome party just a load of people hating me.

I always get by….. sometimes I get in a fight and I get some respect then. Most of the time that ends up with getting expelled and moving on again.

Met this girl today shes called Alice. Shes alright, bit quiet and weird. She says she has some friends who can score us some drugs. Theyre older and can get us fags and booze too. Shes going to take me to meet them tonight. Just text her to confirm. Liven up this dump.

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What now? A father’s dilemma

Alice didn’t come home last night. I can’t begin to tell you how angry I am right now. How can she have no respect for me or her mum? Anything could have happened to her. Anything might have happened to her. My wife wants to talk to her to find out what’s happening, to understand but I think we should come down hard.

We called the police and they talked to us about this M bloke – it turns out that there’s been loads more going on than I knew about. I feel let down, let down by Alice, even let down by my wife: she knew – or suspected – a lot of it.

How can we have brought up a child to be like this? How do we get through to her? Alice came home looking like a shell of a person – who knows what happened, but she still seems set on seeing the lowlife again The police told us to keep a diary, to start logging what is happening and when. I asked them if we could put an electronic tag on my daughter, I think everyone thought I was joking.

I didn’t know where to start to be honest, apart from grounding her for the rest of her life. Apparently that won’t help. My wife is going to sort something out called a child protection conference, the police are going to come and a teacher from Alice’s school. Apparently we all get together and decide some practical actions for protecting Alice. We need to protect Alice because it’s like all sense is leaving her. What happened?

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First time

So last night I snuck out and spent my first whole night with M. He took me to a hotel. He said we could go there to spend time together – we couldn’t go back to his house because his mum isn’t well. It wasn’t a very nice hotel but it was more important that we were together. I didn’t like the way the people working there looked at me. What’s their problem????!!! We did stuff. It hurt. But he told me it will get better. He took a photo of me, I didn’t like the photo.

It wasn’t cold but I felt so cold, well I couldnt stop shivering. And I love him but I wanted to cry. I don’t know why maybe Im getting sick too. Am so frickn stressed about my gcses and everything, so that’s it.

Mum and Dad went mental when I got home. No joke – called the police and everything. I just wanted to be by myself. I wanted to curl up small and sleep.

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