Went to meet up with my couga last night, things got really weird. She wanted to meet at the train station, when I got there there was some guy, said he was her brother. Said she was working a bit later and sent him to pick me up and take me to her house. Dont normally just get in anyones car but they seemed cool, said they had some drugs and stuff and we could hang until she got home. Got a text from my girl and she backed it all up.
We got back there and they had some serious drugs. Wasnt too sure if im honest but didn’t want to not join in. Had already had some booze too so I probably wasn’t too sharp. Lost the rest of that evening, woke up and found I had nothing on below. That sh*t better not have happened. Whatever floats your boat but I aint into that.
Just got a text. Theres some photos and i wanna sick all my insides out. If these get out, I will definitely be moving to a new school again. Wtf do I do??????
Met up with my couga tonight. She’d bought me these top trainers that I wanted –mustve talked about them when we first met. Gave me some drugs too. They were some sh*t hot drugs – messed with my head. She has a sweet body and we soon got it on. Things got weird cant remember how it happened, one minute we were at it, the next she punched me. Think she burnt me with her cigarette as well. Got lots of marks around my body. This morning I have purple marks around my neck – did she try to strangle me?? Or maybe i did it – they were some heavy drugs. I think somebody else was there. I cant really remember when I try to remember my brain just seems dark. Need to handle my sh*t better next time, don’t wanna lose my way in to get drugs and stuff.
S, my foster carer, went nuts when I got home. Think she thinks Im in some kind of gang. Let her think it.
Hooked up with Alices friends. That M is a nob but the rest seem alright. I got what I need. There was this girl there.. seemed pretty up for it with me. Well who wouldn’t?? I was feeling sound after scoring some blow and she was ‘accidentally’ bumping into me and touching me. Shes older than me but Im cool with that. Shes sound. I got her number and we’re going to hook up soon. Be good to have someone around.
I just started at this new school right. All schools are the same to me just somewhere else for me to get hassle from. Everyone talks about a new start but that’s just a load of cr*p. Every time I start a new school no one wants to know. Theres no welcome party just a load of people hating me.
I always get by….. sometimes I get in a fight and I get some respect then. Most of the time that ends up with getting expelled and moving on again.
Met this girl today shes called Alice. Shes alright, bit quiet and weird. She says she has some friends who can score us some drugs. Theyre older and can get us fags and booze too. Shes going to take me to meet them tonight. Just text her to confirm. Liven up this dump.
Alice didn’t come home last night. I can’t begin to tell you how angry I am right now. How can she have no respect for me or her mum? Anything could have happened to her. Anything might have happened to her. My wife wants to talk to her to find out what’s happening, to understand but I think we should come down hard.
We called the police and they talked to us about this M bloke – it turns out that there’s been loads more going on than I knew about. I feel let down, let down by Alice, even let down by my wife: she knew – or suspected – a lot of it.
How can we have brought up a child to be like this? How do we get through to her? Alice came home looking like a shell of a person – who knows what happened, but she still seems set on seeing the lowlife again The police told us to keep a diary, to start logging what is happening and when. I asked them if we could put an electronic tag on my daughter, I think everyone thought I was joking.
I didn’t know where to start to be honest, apart from grounding her for the rest of her life. Apparently that won’t help. My wife is going to sort something out called a child protection conference, the police are going to come and a teacher from Alice’s school. Apparently we all get together and decide some practical actions for protecting Alice. We need to protect Alice because it’s like all sense is leaving her. What happened?
So last night I snuck out and spent my first whole night with M. He took me to a hotel. He said we could go there to spend time together – we couldn’t go back to his house because his mum isn’t well. It wasn’t a very nice hotel but it was more important that we were together. I didn’t like the way the people working there looked at me. What’s their problem????!!! We did stuff. It hurt. But he told me it will get better. He took a photo of me, I didn’t like the photo.
It wasn’t cold but I felt so cold, well I couldnt stop shivering. And I love him but I wanted to cry. I don’t know why maybe Im getting sick too. Am so frickn stressed about my gcses and everything, so that’s it.
Mum and Dad went mental when I got home. No joke – called the police and everything. I just wanted to be by myself. I wanted to curl up small and sleep.
Dear Diary, so M took forever to text me. I sent him one after the party and he made me wait three whole days before he came back. I mean like what??!! But when he did text he made me feel so special – like no one else does. My friends have all been on one at me, well when they do bother to talk to me. They don’t really understand because they’ve never been in love. They’re all just children. M understands me. I wish my parents would get out of my face. Mum is like ‘we don’t talk any more? what’s going on? Who’s M?’. I’m not going to tell her anything about him, she obviously doesn’t understand.She was probably a nun before she met my dad. Lol. She thinks she can rule my life. Not giving me money and stuff like that – I need it for my fags and booze!!!!!!
Anyway I snuck out the other night. I know it’s a bit dodgy, but M was there to meet me. It did feel a bit scary as I had to dive out the front door when Mum and Dad weren’t looking. My brother nearly saw me too, that wouldn’t be good after he caught me having a fag. He’s such a f***ing blue eyed boy, so perfect coz he’s going to uni soon. But everything was alright when I was with M, he gave me a big hug and just listened to me. We did loads of stuff, he was a little bit rough but that’s how it is isn’t it? We got carried away.
M said I had to promise that we’d meet again soon, but that I wasn’t to tell anyone about it. He gave me a stunner of a necklace – I’m going to wear it 4eva.
Anyway I think I got away with it. I hope he texts me again soon… Little A xoxoxox