This is all wrong

Mum called me today. I really wanted her just to look after me and make it better but how can I even start to explain whats happened. What will she think of me what would dad say?


I always know when Im going to ‘pay’ as M puts it. We don’t go out, buys me something new to wear or make up and perfume. I cant do this any more. I really need to get help but M says if I tell someone he’ll make sure I’m shut up forever and nobody would believe a stupid schoolgirl anyway. I’ve actually been going back to school so I don’t have to be at the flat but picks me up from school in his car and hangs around me all weekend. I just don’t know how to talk to someone about whats really going on…


How do I get out of this???


New life

Been at our place a lot the past couple of weeks. Not really at school much, why do I need school when I have M and our flat. M looks after me and gets me whatever I need.

We’ve got loads of mates M knows who come over, we listen to some tunes, smoke some weed and just hang out. So chilled, don’t know why I kept stressing about my GCSEs.

Some of the lads have been doing some coke too – they asked me to give it a try. Might do, M will look out for me. What’s the worst that can happen right??

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First time

So last night I snuck out and spent my first whole night with M. He took me to a hotel. He said we could go there to spend time together – we couldn’t go back to his house because his mum isn’t well. It wasn’t a very nice hotel but it was more important that we were together. I didn’t like the way the people working there looked at me. What’s their problem????!!! We did stuff. It hurt. But he told me it will get better. He took a photo of me, I didn’t like the photo.

It wasn’t cold but I felt so cold, well I couldnt stop shivering. And I love him but I wanted to cry. I don’t know why maybe Im getting sick too. Am so frickn stressed about my gcses and everything, so that’s it.

Mum and Dad went mental when I got home. No joke – called the police and everything. I just wanted to be by myself. I wanted to curl up small and sleep.

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Second date

Dear Diary, so M took forever to text me. I sent him one after the party and he made me wait three whole days before he came back. I mean like what??!! But when he did text he made me feel so special – like no one else does. My friends have all been on one at me, well when they do bother to talk to me. They don’t really understand because they’ve never been in love. They’re all just children. M understands me. I wish my parents would get out of my face. Mum is like ‘we don’t talk any more? what’s going on? Who’s M?’. I’m not going to tell her anything about him, she obviously doesn’t understand.She was probably a nun before she met my dad. Lol.  She thinks she can rule my life.  Not giving me money and stuff like that – I need it for my fags and booze!!!!!!

Anyway I snuck out the other night. I know it’s a bit dodgy, but M was there to meet me. It did feel a bit scary as I had to dive out the front door when Mum and Dad weren’t looking. My brother nearly saw me too, that wouldn’t be good after he caught me having a fag. He’s such a f***ing blue eyed boy, so perfect coz he’s going to uni soon. But everything was alright when I was with M, he gave  me a big hug and just listened to me. We did loads of stuff, he was a little bit rough but that’s how it is isn’t it? We got carried away.

M said I had to promise that we’d meet again soon, but that I wasn’t to tell anyone about it. He gave me a stunner of a necklace – I’m going to wear it 4eva.

Anyway I think I got away with it. I hope he texts me again soon… Little A xoxoxox

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The party

Dear Diary, so you know that guy I met at the school gates? Well, he didn’t bl**dy call me. Oh well, I haven’t seen him at the gates since. Ba***rd. I was all ready to hate him when he turned up at my mates party!  I ignored him for the majority of the night and have no idea who he came with. It was a proper heavin house party. My mates folks are gonna be ped when they see the mess! LOL. Some really good tunes and loads of drinking. I think they even raided the drinks cabinet. We were drinking all kinds of s**t from their top shelf. Some of the bottles were so old they had a layer of dust on them!

Anyway, while I was taking a breather outside on the patio, that guy M, came up to me and put his arms around my waist. The bl**dy cheek. He’s so hot I let him and listened to his feeble excuse for not calling me. Apparently something to do with his sick mum. I smoked my first fag tonight I couldn’t resist him, he’s soooooooo cute. I love his voice and he calls me Little A. We joked that putting our nicknames together would make AM, as in the early hours, which was what it was when we stopped chatting.

We chatted about everything, I felt so comfortable with him. He was a really good listener. I talked about my folks being really stingy with their money and not giving me any dough. That I always felt claustrophobic around them and the pressure on me to do well in my GCSEs. I hate studying and I would rather be out partying or creating YouTube videos. Sometimes I really hate my folks. M didn’t really talk about his mum. He said that he dropped out of college because he found it too dull. He wants to travel the world and is on a gap year at the moment.

Sounds like a plan to me, I’d love to get out of this dump of a town. All my mates walked off at the party because I was spending too much time with M. Screw them.

M offered to take me home as he wasn’t drinking, something about taking his mum to the doctors tomorrow. He wanted a clear head. This made me sure that he liked me as he was sober when we chatted. He dropped me off at the end of my road, as I didn’t want curtain twitchers spying on us. I really wanted him to kiss me, but only got a measly peck on the cheek. 😦 I hope I haven’t put him off. He said he would definitely hook up with me next week. Oh well -Lets see what happens.

Little A x


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CSE Warning Signs

Children are groomed and exploited in different ways.

It may be difficult for parents, carers and frontline professionals to differentiate between ordinary teenage behaviour and the risk of or involvement in sexual exploitation but there are some signs that may signify that children or young people are being groomed for sexual exploitation or actually being sexually exploited.

  • Change in physical appearance new clothes, more/less make up, poor self image, weight gain/loss
  • Expressions of despair (self-harm, overdose, eating disorder, challenging behaviour, aggression, appearing drunk or under the influence of drugs/alcohol, suicidal tendencies, looking tired or ill, sleeping during the day.)

  • Indicators of CSE in conjunction with chronic alcohol and drug use

  • Becoming involved in criminality/repeat offending

  • Increased use of online gaming including Xbox 

  • ‘Sexting’ (the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones) 

  • Getting into cars with unknown adults or associating with known CSE adults

  • Reports of being involved in CSE through being seen in hotspots (i.e. in certain flats, recruiting grounds, cars or houses and maybe in company of known CSE adults) 

  • Being secretive or withdrawn

  • Associating with other sexually exploited children

  • Unsuitable or inappropriate accommodation (including street homelessness, staying with adults known to be involved in CSE and living in a place where needs are not met)

  • Living independently and failing to respond to attempts by workers to keep in touch.

  • Having money, mobile phones, credit for mobile phones, sim cards, cloths, jewellery or other items without plausible explanation and not given by parents/carers 

  • Having possession of hotel keys/key cards or keys to unknown premises

  • Knowledge of towns and cities they have no previous connection with 

  • Disappearing from the ‘system’ with no contact or support 

  • Frequent use of public transport 

  • Being taken abroad by family members (forced marriage)

  • Being taken to clubs and hotels by adults and engaging in sexual activity

  • Receiving rewards of money or goods for recruiting peers into CSE or just introducing peers to known adults 

  • Having multiple mobile phones, sim cards or use of a mobile phone that causes concern; multiple callers, more texts than usual  

  • Unusual association with taxi drivers/firms

  • Isolated from peers and social networks; not mixing with their usual friends

  • Being a victim of honour based violence

  • Regularly coming home late or going missing overnight or longer

  • Older ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ or relationship with a controlling adult

  • Becoming disruptive at home or school or using offensive language 

  • Child under 13 engaging in penetrative sex with another over 15 years 

  • Child under 16 meeting different adults and exchanging or selling sexual activity

  • Experimenting with drugs and/or alcohol 

  • Exclusion and/or unexplained absences from school or not engaged in education or training. Non school attendance or excluded due to behaviour

  • Volatile/criminal behaviour 

  • Indicators of CSE alongside serious self harming behaviour 

  • Sexually transmitted infections/ pregnancy

  • Having increased health/sexual health related problems

  • Having marks or scars on their body which they try to conceal by refusing to undress or uncover parts of their body 

  • Multiple miscarriages or terminations 

  • Being defensive about where they have been and what they have been doing

  • Use of the internet that causes concern including possible use of web cam

  • Sexualised risk taking including on Internet and mobile phone

  • Association with gangs

  • Removed from known ‘red light’ district by professionals due to suspected CSE

  • Being hostile or physically aggressive in their relationship with parents/carers or other family members 

  • Associating/developing a sexual relationship with older men or women

  • Physical or emotional abuse by that ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ or controlling adult 

  • Being taken to brothels/massage parlours

  • Returning home after long intervals but appearing well cared for

  • Lack of positive relationship with a protective, nurturing adult 

  • Breakdown of residential placements due to behaviour 

  • Overtly sexualised dress

  • Receiving rewards of money or goods for recruiting peers into CSE or just introducing peers to known adults

  • Abduction and forced imprisonment

  • Being bought/sold for sexual acts 


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