This is all wrong

Mum called me today. I really wanted her just to look after me and make it better but how can I even start to explain whats happened. What will she think of me what would dad say?

 

I always know when Im going to ‘pay’ as M puts it. We don’t go out, buys me something new to wear or make up and perfume. I cant do this any more. I really need to get help but M says if I tell someone he’ll make sure I’m shut up forever and nobody would believe a stupid schoolgirl anyway. I’ve actually been going back to school so I don’t have to be at the flat but picks me up from school in his car and hangs around me all weekend. I just don’t know how to talk to someone about whats really going on…

 

How do I get out of this???

 

Our place

M has a flat! Well actually he said WE have a flat, just for us so we can be on our own together, no-one else.

Just when I thought everything was s**t and he dumped me it’s all good again, more than good…amazing!

That was the surprise when we met in town. He was sorry he hadn’t seen me but had this surprise for me, then he took me there. At first I thought it was a bit scabby – not much furniture and a bit small but actually it’s ours and it has a bed. M joked that’s all we need! Least I know I didn’t do anything wrong the first time I guess.

Well we spent a lot of time in that bed this afternoon. He took more photos which I said I wasn’t sure about but he said he wanted them so I was always with him and he could remember me whenever he wanted.

I feel a bit funny when I think of those photos. M said all his mates do it and trust him…I guess I will.

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Second date

Dear Diary, so M took forever to text me. I sent him one after the party and he made me wait three whole days before he came back. I mean like what??!! But when he did text he made me feel so special – like no one else does. My friends have all been on one at me, well when they do bother to talk to me. They don’t really understand because they’ve never been in love. They’re all just children. M understands me. I wish my parents would get out of my face. Mum is like ‘we don’t talk any more? what’s going on? Who’s M?’. I’m not going to tell her anything about him, she obviously doesn’t understand.She was probably a nun before she met my dad. Lol.  She thinks she can rule my life.  Not giving me money and stuff like that – I need it for my fags and booze!!!!!!

Anyway I snuck out the other night. I know it’s a bit dodgy, but M was there to meet me. It did feel a bit scary as I had to dive out the front door when Mum and Dad weren’t looking. My brother nearly saw me too, that wouldn’t be good after he caught me having a fag. He’s such a f***ing blue eyed boy, so perfect coz he’s going to uni soon. But everything was alright when I was with M, he gave  me a big hug and just listened to me. We did loads of stuff, he was a little bit rough but that’s how it is isn’t it? We got carried away.

M said I had to promise that we’d meet again soon, but that I wasn’t to tell anyone about it. He gave me a stunner of a necklace – I’m going to wear it 4eva.

Anyway I think I got away with it. I hope he texts me again soon… Little A xoxoxox

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The party

Dear Diary, so you know that guy I met at the school gates? Well, he didn’t bl**dy call me. Oh well, I haven’t seen him at the gates since. Ba***rd. I was all ready to hate him when he turned up at my mates party!  I ignored him for the majority of the night and have no idea who he came with. It was a proper heavin house party. My mates folks are gonna be ped when they see the mess! LOL. Some really good tunes and loads of drinking. I think they even raided the drinks cabinet. We were drinking all kinds of s**t from their top shelf. Some of the bottles were so old they had a layer of dust on them!

Anyway, while I was taking a breather outside on the patio, that guy M, came up to me and put his arms around my waist. The bl**dy cheek. He’s so hot I let him and listened to his feeble excuse for not calling me. Apparently something to do with his sick mum. I smoked my first fag tonight I couldn’t resist him, he’s soooooooo cute. I love his voice and he calls me Little A. We joked that putting our nicknames together would make AM, as in the early hours, which was what it was when we stopped chatting.

We chatted about everything, I felt so comfortable with him. He was a really good listener. I talked about my folks being really stingy with their money and not giving me any dough. That I always felt claustrophobic around them and the pressure on me to do well in my GCSEs. I hate studying and I would rather be out partying or creating YouTube videos. Sometimes I really hate my folks. M didn’t really talk about his mum. He said that he dropped out of college because he found it too dull. He wants to travel the world and is on a gap year at the moment.

Sounds like a plan to me, I’d love to get out of this dump of a town. All my mates walked off at the party because I was spending too much time with M. Screw them.

M offered to take me home as he wasn’t drinking, something about taking his mum to the doctors tomorrow. He wanted a clear head. This made me sure that he liked me as he was sober when we chatted. He dropped me off at the end of my road, as I didn’t want curtain twitchers spying on us. I really wanted him to kiss me, but only got a measly peck on the cheek. 😦 I hope I haven’t put him off. He said he would definitely hook up with me next week. Oh well -Lets see what happens.

Little A x

 

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